Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
