If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
