Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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