I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
