I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
