I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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