I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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