Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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