this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
