Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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