Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
