I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
