why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
