Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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