Don't you send me to vm
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
