I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
