Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
