just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
