your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
