Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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