my sisters under your porch take her home
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
