Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
