im about as happy as oj after his trial
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Help. Why am I so naked?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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