fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
