i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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