somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
