After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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