We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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