ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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