Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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