The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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