My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
