Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize