I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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