Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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