We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
