After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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