I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
