Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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