I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
