I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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