You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
