There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Houston, we have a blender
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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