I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
it was like eating out sand paper
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
