i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
