R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
