I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
