its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
