before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
