I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
