He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
