i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
