were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This is my gift to your gina
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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