Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
