So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
