Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
