i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
