we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
