I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
