WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I supernannyed him into submission
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
