Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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