Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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