No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
