I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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