I need to stop coming to work sober
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
