i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
