yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
