So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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