He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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