you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I need water and some morals
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize