found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize