just come out here and I will go home with you...
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
