I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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