a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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