She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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