I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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