Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
