Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize