...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
