doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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