those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
