I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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