So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
