On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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