stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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