I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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