In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
