you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i will never coherently bang her
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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