I'd wear matching sweaters with you
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize