Duck Duck Cougar?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
