ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
