This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
