Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
