The maid of honor just puked.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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