I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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