She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You dont lie about slip and slides
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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